Everyday Struggle
What's your Everyday Struggle?
We all have got one right? An area in your life that you are currently struggling with, living with, not claiming or speaking affirmations to the contrary. In the spirit of transparency my good friend asked me not to call this column everyday struggle, but Geeeeeeee, this is a place where I can share the things that can't be so easily affirmed away. Feel me? This is for those late night thoughts that won't let you get comfortable. The ones you already prayed about but now are exhausting you and you know God isn't trying to revisit. The one's that you aren't complaining about but you can't quite get it off your mind yet.
Where no counsel is, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
I want this Everyday Struggle to be a place of submission, anonymous or other wise. We can be each others prayer partners, counsel, voice of reasoning, or just listening ear.
So... Here goes!
I am 31. A mother of two. A woman who is still defining myself and after 4 years of marriage, I have to redefine myself again because i'm getting divorced. Wow, talk about hard words to type. This is one of the hardest, if not the very hardest challenge of my adult life. I take it on bravely (if i do say so myself... in my Jay Z voice) but with some fear, regret and trepidation. This is the one time I can't find the right soundtrack/ playlist, the perfect prayer, or the right friend to call on. I am straight winging it. My prayers are just as erratic as my tears. The other day I literally broke down while watching Sing with my kids. That movie was all in my feelings.
The other day I literally broke down while watching Sing with my kids. That movie was all in my feelings.
I'm not even into kid movies like that and I generally have to watch Grey's Anatomy to cry but when you ask God to allow you get out of your own way be careful what you ask for. When you humble yourself and really go after God for answers, best believe you will get them and they don't always look how you would like or expect. When he tells you to deal with your pride, your self esteem, and asks you how much value you have placed on yourself, let me just say this process has already begun rocky, but I told God to take me through whatever he needed, to get me ready for greater. (Just to note, not that he wasn't or needed my permission. I just think there is a special positioning that needs to take place when you say you want more and when you are actually ready to be shaken, beaten, and pressed) I know I said I was ready for greater, but what I meant was that I was ready to accept whatever it looked like to get me there.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11